To keep your mind on your breathing, try inhaling for a count of three, holding your breath for a count of two, and exhaling for a count of three. Repeat as necessary.
For those parts of the insult you find to be true, acknowledge that it is ok to be imperfect. Know that all people have flaws, and it is acceptable to evaluate and work on them. For those parts of the insult that you don’t find true, remind yourself that they are not factual and do not reflect you.
Remind yourself that it ultimately does no good for you to insult someone in return. Tell yourself, “The best way to upset this person is not to insult them in return, but to let them know their words have no impact on me. ” Try to beat them with kindness. Returning kindness for insults would make them realise their mistakes sometimes.
Take a moment to practice deep breathing, or repeat a positive quote or mantra to yourself. Allow yourself as much time as you need to healthfully work through tears or feelings of anger. Avoid exploding emotionally, and instead give yourself time enough to calm your immediate feelings.
Remind yourself that no one is immune from insults or criticism. Even if you are not laughing at the insult, find some personal imperfection and allow yourself to laugh about it. Try a “fake it ‘til you make it” approach. Even if it doesn’t seem funny, laugh at yourself in difficult moments. With time, it will get more sincere.
Practice accepting insults by going over past criticisms you have received. Say to yourself something like, “You’re not that great. ” Then, practice accepting by saying, “You are right, I am not that great. ” Repeat this exercise until you feel the sting of the insult wear off. It may or may not go away completely, but taking away the initial shock will give you the presence of mind to be able to respond when someone does insult you. Remember that this exercise is not about conceding their point. Instead, you are building up the confidence to acknowledge their opinion yet be strong enough so as to not let it dominate you.
Make a list of goals and actions to help you address those weaknesses. For example, if you think you aren’t a great public speaker, your practices might include engaging in more casual conversations, practicing in front of a mirror, or even taking a public speaking class. When someone does insult you, remind yourself that you are taking steps to improve yourself, and that there is no shame in being a work in progress.
Practice filling in statements such as, “That doesn’t matter because I’m ______. ” Give yourself a reason, based in your positive traits, to dismiss the insult. For example, if someone insults you by saying, “That was a really bad presentation,” let yourself know, “That doesn’t matter, because I turned in a great report for this project. ” Understand that moving on may take time. View being able to quickly dismiss insults in favor of your own positive traits as a goal rather than an immediate solution.
Positive relationships will help you build your confidence by celebrating you when you do well in life and pushing you to reach for positive things. Take inventory of who in your life does this for you. Look at who is insulting you. If it is a family member or someone who calls themself your friend, consider loosening or leaving your relationship with that person. Let them know, “You constantly criticize me and I do not want that kind of negative force in my life. ”
If a bully interrupts you to insult you while you are speaking, simply continue on without acknowledging what they said at all. Be consistent. A bully may try to force a reaction out of you by speaking louder, repeating the insult, or being more verbally aggressive. Keep consistent and they may eventually leave the situation.
If they follow you, keep walking until they leave or you get where you need to go. Do not go out of your way to avoid your bully. You are allowed to go where you need to for school, work, or your personal life. Walk past your bully confidently to let the know that they do not dominate your actions.
Consider talking to your teacher, your boss, or a counselor the moment a bully moves from insults to threats or physical aggression. If a bully physically attacks you, report it to your office or campus security, or otherwise alert the police immediately. Call as soon as you are able and say, “I need immediate help. I am being physically attacked. ”
